Isolation

The Sacred Loneliness Trap

Definition: the glorification of spending time by yourself seen as a necessary path to spirituality or healing. Often includes teachings which encourage people to cut people out of their lives if they question their spiritual practices, further isolating them from the outside world.

Focusing on your healing is a good thing and yes, even focusing inwardly for a while is good. But a lot of healing happens in relationships too. And you can get stuck in the loneliness setting, hyper-focused on your self to an extent that drains your mental health immensely. We are social by nature and spending too much time alone can make a person lonely.

Often people say they’re ‘in the integration phase’ and take time to be by themselves. But a healthy integration phase is meant to be integration within your daily life, not taking time off from life to catch up on sleep or because you’re feeling very dysregulated. If you need time out like you’re sick or hypersensitive, it’s usually not signs of spiritual growth, but of a dysregulated nervous system, extreme meditation that alters your brain functioning, or the consequences of overusing psychedelics or various spiritual practices.

Isolation becomes particularly harmful when it is used to avoid relational repair, emotional regulation, or reality testing. It can deepen anxiety, depression, dissociation, and a sense of disconnection—reinforcing the very suffering it is meant to heal.

Common Language

Here are some common examples in this dimension to watch out for.

‘If someone doesn't get what you're doing, then don't listen to them and break off the friendship. They don’t want what’s best for you’

‘Especially at the start of your spiritual journey, you have to spend time alone in isolation.’

‘You can only heal alone.’

‘I am happy with myself alone. I am in my integration phase.’ (while simultaneously listing several adverse physical, emotional, psychological symptoms that prove the opposite)

Integration

Even when you're healing, you can't completely disregard your relationships. Don't break off friendships just because you're changing. It's normal for relationships to have a recalibration period when someone has grown or shifted significantly and it’s valuable to go into a positive friction and share your learnings with your loved ones. (Positive friction is the healthy discomfort that arises in relationships when differences are acknowledged and explored in a constructive way, leading to connection and growth rather than avoidance. It might feel uncomfortable in the moment, but it strengthens the relationship and supports personal development. Remember: Spirituality is wide and inclusive. You can be spiritual and work a 9-to-5 office job. You can have friends who aren't spiritual. You don't have to cut out parts of your life to be "better" at spirituality. If a friend triggers you or if you can’t stand their energy anymore, look at yourself first before you blame them for not matching you anymore! There are no rigid rules to spirituality – find and create what works for you.

Practical Integration:

Notice how spending time with people makes you feel – discomfort has its own charm and it can teach you a lot too.
Recognize that relationships sometimes require showing up, even when you don't feel like it.
Practice being there for your friends, not just for yourself. Even when it’s not convenient.
Allow relationships to evolve rather than cutting them off at the first sign of discomfort.
Unify in differences: Meet others in their differences and stay curious to understand them.

Disclaimer: this does NOT include abusive people, people who don’t want you to heal so you stay miserable together, people who don’t support you or your growth.